


The Rose

by Daretodream66



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Inspired by Music, Love Confessions, M/M, Marriage, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, True Love, sad Steve Rogers, sad bucky barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:09:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26443948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daretodream66/pseuds/Daretodream66
Summary: Bucky struggles with what he's done as The Winter Soldier.  Steve's searching for him.  Bucky wanders into a church and hears a song.  It changes everything.This is the song that inspired this piece of fluff.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9hXeBXAs9Y
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 12
Kudos: 48





	The Rose

Bucky edges into the church. He knows he shouldn’t be here after everything he’s done, but he needs shelter for the night. He isn’t expecting to hear music, so staying in the shadows, he watches as a group of six men get comfortable in the pews to the side. There’s a seventh man, but he’s holding a camera. Pulling back further into the darkness, Bucky sits hoping that no one notices him. He’s been on the run now for almost a year and it’s taken all of his skills to stay ahead of those looking for him. It’s not so much Hydra that he’s running from, but more the blond man. 

Steve.

One of the men counts off and the group starts to sing. Bucky closes his eyes and lets it wash over him. Music used to be such a huge part of his life and for once, just this once, he’s going to let himself enjoy it.

_Some say love, it is a river, that drowns the tender reed  
Some say love, it is a razor, that leaves your soul to bleed  
Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need  
I say love, it is a flower, and you, its only seed_

Bucky doesn’t know this song and it doesn’t sound like a hymn. But the words cut into his memories, leaving him feeling devastated. Hanging his head, he feels something that he doesn’t ever remember feeling as the Soldier. He starts to cry.

But he does remember crying…before. He remembers a small blond man in a bed, fever ravaging his body and thinking that he’s going to die. Bucky remembers begging a blond woman to not call the priest. He remembers being angry through his tears as the priest gave last rights. He remembers crying the following morning when the blond boy hadn’t given up and looked up at Bucky with a weak smile. He remembers making a pact with the devil, swearing he’d do anything if the blond would pull through.

Now, only now, does he think that maybe his part of the pact was to survive as the Soldier.

_It's the heart afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance  
It's the dream afraid of waking, that never takes the chance  
It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give  
And the soul afraid of dying, that never learns to live_

Bucky doesn’t know why, but it feels like this song was meant for him. He’s not living, not really. He’s just running and trying to stay ahead of Steve. He can’t go back, not now, not ever. Steve would never understand the things that Bucky did as the Soldier. He’ll never forgive Bucky for those things. Looking up at the stained glass windows, he knows that he doesn’t belong here either.

This building was meant for forgiveness and Bucky’s using it is blasphemy. He starts to get up, but near the alter is a woman, he thinks that he recognizes her, but that can’t be right because she’s old now. He thinks that he heard that she died. Shaking his head, Bucky tries to clear the hallucination away, but when he looks back up, she’s still there. The men singing don’t seem to know that she’s there.

Locking eyes with her, she points to her ears, telling him to listen. The last few words cause her to smile. Bucky’s not living, he’s just running. Tears streaming down his face, she smiles softly at him and mouths the word, ‘Go.’ Then she’s gone as if she’d never been there. Bucky reaches out, wishing that he could have talked to her, hugged her.

“Peggy.” It’s only a whisper and doesn’t disturb the singers. She’s the only one that ever knew and never once faulted him for those feelings. To a certain degree, she even understood why he couldn’t help what he felt. Together, they drank and talked through their common emotions for a blond man that saw duty as his calling.

The voices of the men swell and Bucky focuses his attention on the words again.

_When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long  
And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong  
Just remember in the winter, far beneath the bitter snows  
Lies the seed, that with the sun's love in the spring becomes the rose_

He doesn’t know why, but he knows that Steve is his sun, always has been. The sudden urge to see his sun is overwhelming and he thinks about Peggy’s command. ‘Go’ she said. She wasn’t condemning him for being in this place, she was telling him it’s time to go home. 

To go to his sun.

As the song closes, Bucky reaches up, wiping the tears from his face. Maybe it isn’t about understanding for Steve, maybe it’s about forgiveness within himself. Bucky is troubled by what he’s done, it brings nightmares, but maybe, just maybe, Steve can help with that.

Running from the church, Bucky breaks into the night and looks up at the sky. He remembers watching the stars on the roof of a tenement so many years ago. He remembers Steve leaning into him as Bucky explained what they were looking at. He remembers so much and not enough.

But, he feels.

Steve’s returned to New York and Bucky follows him. He watches as Steve comes through the door of the apartment with a duffel and a bag of Chinese food. From the building across the street, he can see everything. Steve looks defeated and that isn’t a look that Bucky’s familiar with. Sitting the duffel down, Steve hangs his head and his shoulders start to shake. For the first time, Bucky sees how consumed with grief Steve Rogers really is. 

The darkness covers his movements as Bucky leaves the roof across the street and makes his way to the roof of Steve’s building. Easing down the fire escape, he lands just outside Steve’s window without a sound. The crying hasn’t stopped and Bucky feels guilt over that, but he needed to come to this on his own. Now, he just hopes that Steve will accept him.

Opening the window isn’t difficult and Steve is so consumed by his grief that he doesn’t hear it. It isn’t until Bucky is in the apartment and halfway across the living room that Steve’s head shoots up. “Bucky?”

Bucky doesn’t stop himself and engulfs Steve into his arms, pulling the blond against him. “I’m here.”

Steve clings to him, holding him in place and cries harder. “Don’t leave.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” They stand, tears mingling, but not moving out of the other’s space.

Finally, Steve leans away, reaching up to wipe the tears away from Bucky’s face. “I shoulda told you back then. I shoulda made you understand. I shoulda saved you. I shoulda done so much more.”

“Sssshhhh, Steve, it’s okay. Anyone would have thought I died in that fall. But I’m here now.” Steve nods furiously. “And I ain’t leavin ya again.” He wonders what Steve means by he should have told Bucky back then, but before he can ask, Steve tells him.

“I love you. I loved you back then like nothin else.” Steve takes a deep breath and Bucky holds his. “I know we aren’t the same, but I love you and I don’t think I can keep doin this without you.”

Steve’s been just as lost and Bucky can see that now. His best friend has been just barely afloat in this new world and not having Bucky, once Steve knew he was alive, was nearly enough to drag him under. Pulling the blond from the river now seems like a metaphor for their lives. “I love you too. Pretty sure I always have.” He thinks of Peggy. “Pegs knew. She and I used to talk about it.”

Steve’s eyes widen and glisten with new tears. “I’m sorry. I was so focused on proving myself back then.”

“Damn right you were and I don’t begrudge you that, but I need you. We have a chance now and I want to have that with you.” Bucky looks up hopeful.

“You have me and I’ll stand with you no matter what.” Bucky smirks and truly can’t remember the last time he did.

He can tell that Steve knows what he’s going to say. “Til the end of the line.”

Steve barks a laugh. “Damn right.”

_18 Months Later_

As they make their way towards each other, _that_ song plays. Bucky didn’t know the name of it, but when he told Pepper some of the lyrics, she knew it immediately. As it swells and wraps around the trees of the park, around the friends they have, and around Steve looking so beautiful in his blue suit, Bucky feels like somewhere Peggy is watching and smiling.

Pepper and Thor are crying and Sam, Tony, Clint, and even Natasha, look a little misty eyed. It’s been a long, hard year and a half, but they got here. Bucky is free of any Hydra control and Steve stood by him every step of the way. For the first eight months, he didn’t even go on missions. At first the team didn’t understand, then they saw the two together, cuddled on the sofa, wrapped up in each other and then it made sense. 

Steve glows like nothing that Bucky has ever seen. He truly is Bucky’s sun. When the day is over, he’ll have to go back and watch the video because he doesn’t really see or hear anything except Steve promising his life and heart to Bucky. Words come out of his mouth, but Bucky doesn’t really remember what he says, just that it makes Steve cry with love burning in his eyes.

What he does hear is Natasha. “I now pronounce you husbands.” Then she gets that glint in her eyes. “Now kiss each other so we can eat.”

Laughing into the kiss, both of them feel elated. As they make their way to the reception, Happy grins at them from the driver’s seat. “Who’s taking whose name?” 

Steve chuckles. “We decided to hyphenate. So, Mr. and Mr. Barnes-Rogers.”

“Nice.” Happy raises the privacy window. 

Steve nuzzles into Bucky’s neck, laying gentle kisses. Bucky hums his approval. “I love you, my sun.”

Steve’s breath hitches. “I love you, my rose.”


End file.
